i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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