like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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