my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
