Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
