She just used a chaser for red wine.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
