Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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