She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
