They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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