nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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