You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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