FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
