Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
