The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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