You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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