Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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