dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
