But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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