OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
