I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just had sex on a roof
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
