Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
