don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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