so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
