If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
