Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
