I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
