I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
