Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
