i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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