His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
