I can text with my tongue
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
