i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
ttyl tear gas
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
