why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
