I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
