i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
