Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize