never play flip cup with pint glasses
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
