So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
