I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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