Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love black thongs
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
