I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
