I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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