I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
