Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
