I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
