Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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