I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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