i don't plan on having that self control this summer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
