She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
