yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Randomize
