Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
