Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
