Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize