its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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