we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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