I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
