She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
