i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
