He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it glows. i had to have it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
