Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Found the puke drawer
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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