I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
