A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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