Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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