I cannot find my penis.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
