So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
