A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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