just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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