My Higher Power is John Stamos
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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