A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
