I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
