My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
