dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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