i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
