So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
