Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
