i already hear my dad disowning me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
