is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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