I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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