i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
