My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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